It is my fault for hiding things and lying, but ever thought why I did? You think I prefer this way? The environment I was brought up in, is it even possible to be completely honest and open with my family?
I did not let my decision known to get permissions, I do not need your ticks or crosses. I let my decision known simply because you guys are the important people in my life.
I feel guilty, I am really sorry for lying, but should I be getting all the blames? You guys are the ones who made me this way. I need support, but you guys can't give me. All I ever received was? Oh... critics. Oh... condemnation. Oh... all the nos. Oh... not forgetting the judgements definitely! And I thought family was meant to support whatever you do, and be there when you fall. Well, at least that is the kind of family I want. If I can't have, I can't help too, but to behave the way I already am, I am self-centered. Immature? Maybe too. But you have your belief, I have mine too.
Do you think I don't think of all the consequences before I make a decision? Do you think I do not know I have to bear all of them when shit happens? I appreciate the protection, but I really do not want much of it.
Don't stop me from doing anything because I will only get further from you. Let me fall because I would rather learn lessons that way. It is alright too if you can't be here to lend me a hand, the thing is? The only two hands holding me up all the time when I was down and out is only myself. Why? I can't confide in any of you anymore. When I get hurt, what do I get? Blames. For being stupid, for not heeding the advice. Do I get any support? Haha, no.. What else do I get? Best part ok. Countless reminders of the fall as if the hurt wasn't enough.
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I can't promise I will stay in Singapore all my life, but so long as there is a reason for me to stay, there is no reason for me to leave.
